Eye See You! The Inescapable Judgement!

As we left the desert, Spacefuture Blogger and I encountered a man waiting for us. He had eyes all over his face, and an eye in each palm. There was only one Fear this could be.

“I am Judgement, avatar of the Eye!” He yelled. “Now cower as I reveal your most terrible sins!”

“Eh, sorry Judgement. We already did this with the Black Dog.”

“What?!”

“Yeah. We’re literally just leaving that fight. He already revealed all our guilty secrets.”

“Well, did he reveal your guilt over not writing the Intrusion better?”

“Yup.”

“What about Spacefuture Blogger’s guilt over never going to space?”

“Did that one too.”

“Oh. Well… darn.” Judgement’s shoulders slumped and I heard him sniffling.

“Are you… crying?”

“No!” He used his sleeve to wipe his many eyes. “Maybe. I just put so much work into this, you know? I’ve got a consistent theme with lots of story potential, and an aesthetic that actually supports that theme. That’s a lot more than some Fears I could mention! And yet, every time, I get upstaged by that damn dog. What’s his deal even supposed to be? What’s the connection between a really big dog and people’s secrets? Is he ‘digging up secrets’ or something? It’s ridiculous! But he’s the one everyone knows about, and who gets all the blogs. These days I only seem to show up if I’m being combined with that stupid dog! It just makes it really hard to want to try when you know anything you do is going to get overshadowed.”

“Ah, come on Judgement, don’t be like that! Lots of people think you’re great!”

“R-really?”

“Yeah! Remember all the positive feedback ‘The All Seeing I’ got? People love the metaphorical you!”

“Then why do they  always make me tag along with the Black Dog?”

“You misunderstand us, Judgement! We don’t combine you with the Black Dog because we don’t like you! We combine you two to make the Black Dog more interesting!”

“Do you mean that?”

“Of course I do!”

Judgement stopped crying, and finally smiled. “Thanks Omega. That means a lot to me.”

“Ah, come here buddy! Give your ol’ pal Omega a hug!”

Judgement and I embraced in brotherly friendship. Then I felt the knife stab me in the gut.

“But… Judgement, why…?”

“Ha! You fool! You thought I would fall for that? You already did the whole therapy thing on the Brute! It won’t work twice!” Judgement cackled madly. “We’re doing this old school! No metaphors, no symbolism, I just possess someone and then they hunt you down and stab you to death!”

It was a very frightening speech. Unfortunately, it was a bit ruined by me laughing through it all.

“What’s so funny?”

“Oh, you poor, unsuspecting Fear. I knew that you might have something like this planned, and so I prepared!” I tore off my shirt, revealing that I was wearing steel armor plate underneath it!

This revelation did not seem to effect Judgement as much as I’d hoped. “Is that all? I am the Eye! I see all! I knew that you knew about my plan! Take a look at that knife I stabbed you with!”

I looked down at the knife, and saw that the knife was actually grenades! Before I could do anything, I exploded!

“AHAHAHAHA! At last, Omega is defeated, and I, the Eye, am VICTORIOUS!” Judgement turned towards Spacefuture Blogger. “Does it fill you with guilt, having done nothing as you watched your friend die right in front of you?”

“Not really. He was kind of a jerk.”

“Well, it doesn’t matter, because he’s finally dead!”

“I wouldn’t be too sure about that!” I shouted as I appeared behind Judgement.

“What? Impossible! How did you survive?”

“I knew that you knew that I knew about your plan! Bet you didn’t see THIS coming, Judgement!”

Judgement screamed and stabbed at me. My image shattered into shards of glass as the knife hit it, and I appeared again behind Judgement. “How are you doing this?” He yelled.

“Can’t you see the trick? I arranged dozens of mirror at carefully precise angles all around this area! There’s no way for you to tell which me is real, and which is just a mirror image!”

In response to this, Judgement began wildly attacking every image he saw of me, shattering mirror after mirror, but not once did he hit me. As he struggled, I called out, “Hey, Judgement! You can see a lot! But can you see why kids love the taste of Cinnamon Toast Crunch?”

“WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?!?!?”

The real me jumped out from behind the mirrors, right in front of Judgement. “IT’S BECAUSE THEY HAVE CINNAMON SUGAR SWIRLS IN EVERY BITE!” And I threw a bag of cinnamon sugar into his face.

“Ah! My eyes! It’s in my eyes! IT’S IN ALL OF MY EYES!” He screamed as he fell back, clutching his face. The sugar burned at his eyes, until they were empty sockets. He fell to the ground, and lay there motionless. The Eye had been defeated.

“I guess you could say… he didn’t see that one coming!”

We all had a good laugh.

The Inescapable Truth! Hounded by the Unrelenting Dog!

I had been worrying that the Intrusion would be a difficult opponent. After all, the Vision had predicted that Spacefuture Blogger would be killed by giant spiders. The actual encounter ended up being underwhelming, however. Once we found a giant web/ant mound hybrid thing in the jungle, we sprayed pesticide all over the place from the safety of a plane. Then we dropped a ton of napalm on it to be sure. All the giant spiders were already dead by the time we landed. After the epic battles I’d had against the other Fears, it was a little bit of a disappointment.

After that hollow victory, Spacefuture Blogger and I stopped at a restaurant to get celebratory hamburgers. As we ate, a large black dog came inside and sat next to our table. I tore off a piece of my burger and offered it to the dog. It stared at me with dark red eyes and said, “Do not think this offering can atone for your terrible sins.”

“Holy shit a talking dog.”

“Do not feign ignorance, Omega! I know that you are aware of who I am!”

“Fine, I admit it! You’re the Black Dog! But you came here for nothing, as neither Spacefuture Blogger or I have any dark secrets for you to reveal!”

“That’s right! You can’t do anything to us!” Spacefuture Blogger said.

“Is that so, Spacefuture Blogger? Or should I just call you Future Blogger? After all, you’ve never been to space!”

Shock! “What? No! I’ve been to space so many times!”

“Do not try to fool me with your lies! Omega has been to space more than you!”

“Wow Spacefuture Blogger, that’s really kinda deceitful of you.”

“Do not act so high and mighty! I know your lies as well! You claimed the Intrusion was an easy opponent, when in reality you just killed it offscreen because you don’t know how to write it very well”

“What? Nonsense! Omega is a master at writing every Fear!”

“Don’t make me laugh! The only interesting idea you ever had for the Intrusion was when you thought about combining it with other Fears that you do know how to write! Your Intrusion game is weak!”

This was too much. “We must flee, Spacefuture Blogger! He is too powerful for us!”

We jumped out the window and ran, but the Black Dog chased after us, revealing one terrible secret after another. We for days, but the Dog’s pursuit was relentless. Even when we tried to hide deep in a desert, he still found us.

“You cannot escape from the Truth, Omega! Such as the truth that you’ve watched the entire first season of Shugo Chara and enjoyed every second of it!”

“No! Lies! It’s a bad anime for people with bad tastes! I would never enjoy it!”

“Stay strong, Omega! He’s trying to get in your head!”

“And you, Spacefuture Blogger! Your personality is bland because you literally have no backstory at all!”

“Nonsense! I have a very detailed and emotional backstory!”

“Ha! What trite! Omega never bothered writing you one because he’s a lazy slob!”

We had no defenses against such unrelenting attacks. “Spacefuture Blogger… there’s only one thing left we can do.”

“Surely you don’t mean...!”

“I do. It’s the only way.” I stood and faced the Black Dog. He was grinning his doggy grin, preparing to unleash even more terrible secrets. Before he could, I ran forward, and I Kicked the Dog.

“W-what do you think you’re doing?” It cried as I Kicked the Dog again, sending it flying hundreds of feet. Spacefuture Blogger had to look away in horror, but I steeled myself with the resolve to continue.

“Wait!” The Black Dog said, and then changed into an adorable Black Puppy. “Not even you would dare hurt me when I’m like this!”

Those soulful puppy dog eyes stared deep into me, begging me not to harm this innocent creature. But I had a mission to complete, and so once more I Kicked the Dog, causing him to land next to a cliff’s edge. “You’re a monster! You’re even worse than us Fears!” It cried out.

“If I must become a monster to see the world freed from your tyranny, that is a sacrifice I will willingly make!” And then I kicked him off the cliff like a football MVP scoring a field goal.

Spacefuture Blogger and I breathed a sigh of relief when we heard the Black Dog’s body splat at the bottom of the cliff. At last, we were safe. We swore to never speak of this event again, excepting of course for public blog posts which go into detail over what happened.