Round 2! The Ultimate Battle!

It wasn’t hard to find the Dying Man. After all, there aren’t that many muscular flying man with tumors the size of watermelons growing out of their heads in the world. He seemed surprised to see me when I arrived. “Already back for another beating, Omega? I was just about to kill Memes, but I can spare some time to play with you.”

“You won’t be killing anything else, Dying Man! Your terror ends now!”

“I’d like to see you try and stop me! I destroyed you the last time we fought!”

“I’m not the same Omega you fought before! I have become the legendary Super Omega!”

“Super or not, you cannot hope to defeat Death itself! Now come, let us fight!”

The Dying Man and I lunge forward. Our fists slammed into each other, creating a shockwave that destroyed the ground beneath us! I gave a devastating kick to his gut! He responded with a brutal punch to the face! We flew across the sky, trading blows in a vicious melee that moved too fast for human eyes to follow!

We broke from our engagement briefly, each landing on a pile of rubble created from our fight. “Impressive, Omega! You’re putting up much more of a fight than the last time! Unfortunately for you, I’m only using a fraction of my full power! Once I reach 100% power, you won’t stand a chance against me!” The Dying Man screamed as he began powering up! Then I punched him in the face.

“What are you doing? I was powering up! You’re supposed to stand there and wait while I power up!” The Dying Man said as he cradled his broken nose.

“If your full power is so powerful, I’m not going to let you reach it!”

“That’s not fair!”

“Life isn’t fair!” I shouted as I roundhouse kicked him in the face. He blocked that attack, but I followed with yet more punches.

“Stop it… stop it!” The Dying Man cried as he defended against my assault. “Just let me power up!”

“Never!”

The Dying Man screamed with rage and punched me out of the way. “Fine! If I can’t power up, then I’ll just kill everyone!” He flew into the air and began charging energy in his hands. “DEATH BEAM!” The Dying Man unleashed the energy as a beam of pure death, aimed right at the Earth!

Acting quickly, I caught the beam with my hands before it could hit the ground. But the Dying Man put more power behind the beam, causing me to be driven back. I was putting all my strength into holding back his attack, but it wasn’t enough. I was driven further into the ground, until it looked like I was going to be crushed entirely.

“Yes!” The Dying Man yelled. “You cannot much my power! Everything will die, and there’s nothing your weak body can do to stop it!”

“Future Sword!”

Spacefuture Blogger leaped behind the Dying Man and stabbed him with a laser sword. It didn’t do much damage, but it took the Dying Man’s attention off me for a moment. In that crucial second, I punched the beam back at him! The energy smashed into the Dying Man, and he let out a terrified “NOOOOO!” as he was completely destroyed. At last, Anime had been avenged.

There was little time to celebrate, for among the Dying Man’s ashes appeared a fireplace and an old radio. “Well done, Omega.” The King Fear said through the radio. “That was an impressive battle.”

“Enough of your games!” I said. “Come out of hiding and face me!”

“Not yet. You still haven’t proven yourself worthy. But there is one place you may prove your worth… In the arena!”

Suddenly I was standing in the middle of a coliseum, surrounded by cheering crowds. The King Fear continued to speak over the crowd’s roar. “Welcome to the first Multiverse Fear Budokai Tenkaichi Martial Arts Tournament! Where fighters and Fears from every universe battle each other for glory, and the prize of a string free boon from the King Fear himself!”

“A martial arts tournament? Ha! My Kung-Fu is the strongest there is! My victory is assured! I accept your challenge, King Fear!”

“Very good. I will look forward to seeing your fights, Omega.”

Time to Train! Gonna Fly Now!

We returned victorious to the Blind Man’s library, the ancient artifact of Ecived Tolp in hand.

“Blind Man! I have brought you the artifact you wanted! Now teach me Kung-Fu!”

“You are indeed worthy of my training, Omega.” He said. “Hand me the artifact of Ecived Tolp and we may begin.”

I gave him the artifact. As he held it, it began to glow, and I felt a massive power welling up inside me. “What is this strange power?” I asked.

“The artifact of Ecived Tolp awakens your true potential! What you are feeling is your hidden power being unleashed!”

“Amazing! I feel much stronger now!”

“Yes, but that strength is useless without training. Time for a training montage!”

“That was a good training montage Omega!”

“Thank you, Blind Man-sensei! Am I strong enough to defeat the Dying Man?”

“Hm… the Dying Man is a powerful foe. But with your new strength, you just may have a chance. Now go, Omega! Go and bring honor to our dojo!”

“I won’t let you down, Blind Man-sensei!”

The Artifact of Ecived Tolp! CAW CAW I'M A BIRD MOTHERFUCKERS!

After days of toil, we finally reached our destination at the top of Mount Fear! Waiting for us at the peak was an ancient shrine, upon which rested a key of solid gold. The ancient artifact of Ecived Tolp!

Before I could claim the artifact, a swarm of birds appeared in the sky. “CAW CAW MOTHERFUCKERS!” The birds said as they flew at us with their talons ready.

“It is the Convocation! The ancient guardians of the ancient artifact of Ecived Tolp!”

“I’m not going to let some birds stop me from learning Kung-Fu!” I yelled. “Quick! Throw me at them!” Spacefuture Blogger and Overblogger each grabbed me by an arm and tossed me into the sky. I sailed through the air and kicked a sparrow in the head! Then gravity and momentum took over and I went flying off the edge of the mountain.

Okay I’m taking over again for this part. After Omega fell off the mountain, the Convocation began to attack us. A pigeon landed on my head and tried pecking out my eyes while woodpeckers drilled at my legs. Hummingbirds flew at Overblogger, who drew a pen which she used to cut them down. As more birds flew toward her she pulled out a notebook and began to write with inhuman speed. The pages, covered in eldritch languages, flew out of the notebook like a tornado, knocking aside any birds who came near.

While Overblogger had her end of the fight under control, I was being overwhelmed. Time to get serious! “Future  Sword!” I yelled as I drew out a laser sword, which I used to slice apart the birds around me!

“How long have you had that?” Overblogger asked.

“I…” Suddenly I was confused. “I… don’t know?” Didn’t matter, I had birds to kill. The Convocation was no match for Overblogger and me working together. The birds seemed ot realize that, and fell back. Then the swarm merged together and formed one giant bird with feathers made of fire!

“The mighty phoenix!” Overblogger said. “we are no match for such a being’s power!”

“It may be out of your leagues, but it is no match for the Great Omega!” I yelled as I jumped back onto the mountaintop.

“Omega? But how? Your legs were broken!”

“I died when I fell off the mountain! And when I die, I come back in a new, uninjured body!”

“Then how come your legs weren’t fixed when the Burning Bride killed you?”

“Because the Burning Bride didn’t kill me, obviously! She ran away without a fight, remember?”

“… Yes. Of course. That is exactly how it happened.”

“Now, time for me to punch a bird in the face!” And I did! I punched the phoenix so hard its head exploded! As the phoenix died, it was consumed by fire and transformed into an egg.

“And with its death, the phoenix is reborn.” Overblogger said. “Thus the cycle of life continues.”

“Yeah screw that I’m making this into an omelet. Now let’s grab the artifact and get out of here.”

Rise of the Flickering Woman! This is now a Relationship Consultation Blog!

The trek up Mount Fear was truly a long and challenging one. Well, not for me. My legs were still broken. But Spacefuture Blogger and Overblogger seemed to be having a hard time as they carried me up.

Halfway up the mountain, we came across a small stretch of flat land we could rest on. Such rest was short lived, for only moments after Spacefuture Blogger and Overblogger set me down, we saw the corpse of a sphinx on the ground near us!

“Okay why is there a sphinx here that’s not even the right cosmology for this setting.” Overblogger said.

“I’m more worried about why it’s dead.” Spacefuture blogger added.

“WHO COULD HAVE SLAIN SUCH A NOBLE AND MAJESTIC BEAST?” I yelled out, distraught at such meaningless slaughter.

“Twas I that slayed the beast!” A female voice said, as a woman made of fire appeared before us. “The Burning Bride!”

“How could you kill a sphinx? They’re an endangered species!”

“The sphinx was meant to be one of the trials you would face while ascending the mountain. It was to ask you a tricky riddle, which could only be answered by a truly clever person. But I couldn’t afford for the sphinx to kill you after you inevitably failed its riddle! I must be the one to kill you, and get my revenge for what you have done to me!”

“What I’ve…? I haven’t done anything to you! At least, not yet!”

“Nothing? NOTHING? You ruined my marriage!”

“I… I wha…?”

“The Brute used to be the perfect man! Always filled with such passion, such fire! But he changed after he fought you. Now all he wants to do is volunteer at soup kitchens and help the elderly! This isn’t the man I married!”

“Very well! We shall battle! But know that your fire is no match for the BURNING HEAT OF MY FIGHTING SPIRIT!”

“Fire? You underestimate me, Omega. I am well aware that my fire would be useless against you. But I was a Fear before I became the Burning Bride. Today you face the Flickering Woman!”

Oh no! The master of secret and hidden knowledge! I hadn’t prepared myself for this encounter! But I wouldn’t let myself be beaten! “Bring it on, Flickering-“


Okay, this is Spacefuture Blogger, Omega was out of commission for most of this, I’m taking over for this part. Halfway through Omega’s statement a beam of light came out of the Flickering Woman’s hand and entered his head. He immediately began to scream in pain as an incredibly bright light came out of his eyes. It looked almost like his head was burning from the inside.
“You can brag all you want Omega, but not even your mind can handle all of my knowledge!” The Flickering Woman boasted. “Your brain will burn itself out trying to cope with it all, and at last you will be defeated!”

As she spoke, the light in Omega’s eyes went out, and he fell to the ground, dead. “At last!” She cried out in joy. “My revenge is….” Omega got back up, and immediately resumed screaming again as the lights in his eyes reappeared.

“Um… How…?”

“He doesn’t stay dead.” I said. “Trust me. He’ll come back from literally anything.”

“Well that’s a bit anticlimactic.” Omega died again, only to come back and start screaming less than a minute later. “Although trapping him in an eternal hell certainly has its merits. Oh well. Time to deal with his friends.” The Flickering Woman pointed her hand at me, and the light of knowledge entered my mind.

Nothing happened. “What? How is your mind not crumbling under the vastness of the knowledge I am bestowing on you?”
“I’m from the future.” I said. “We’ve learned how to upload all excess data in our minds to the Cloud.”

“But that doesn’t make sense! Any cloud servers from the future shouldn’t be accessible in this time period!”

“Oh, no, I don’t mean the cloud like a group of servers. I mean literal clouds. We encode data onto water molecules floating in the sky.”

“Fine! Then I’ll just deal with the other!” The Flickering Woman pointed her hand at Overblogger, but hesitated.

“Yeah don’t even try it that’s not going to work on me.” Overblogger said. “Look, Flickering, are you doing okay? It’s not like you to get this directly involved in things.”

“I’m fine!” The Flickering Woman shouted. “It’s just… it’s been hard, since the Brute left. We were so perfect together. It’s not often you’ll find someone who’ll accept a woman who’s constantly on fire. But now he’s gone, and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”

Overblogger nodded sympathetically. “I know that feeling. Sometimes people change, and they leave us behind. But there’s still plenty for you to do!”

“No, there isn’t!” The Flickering woman began to cry. “I’m nothing without the Brute! Just look at my name! ‘The Burning Bride!’ My entire identity is based on my relationship with the Brute! There’s nothing for me to do with him gone!”

“Don’t say that!” Overblogger gently grabbed the Flickering Woman by the shoulder. “Look at this Flickering Woman thing you’re doing now! It’s amazing! And you’re not relying on anyone else for it! It’s all you!”

“R-really? You think this is good? I don’t know, barely anyone wrote about this form before they started using the Burning Bride….”

“It’s amazing! Those writers didn’t know what they were missing when they turned you into the Brute’s distaff counterpart. You don’t need the Brute, you’ve got all the ingredients for success in yourself!”

The Flickering Woman sniffled and wiped the tears from her eyes. “You… you know what? You’re right! Let the Brute go and waste his time at those soup kitchens! I don’t need him! I can be my own Fear!”

“That’s right! You go get ‘em, girl!”

“Thanks, Overblogger. It was good talking with you. You ever want to get in touch, just let me know.” The Flickering Woman looked back at Omega, who was still screaming during his brief moments of being alive. “I should probably deal with that.” She snapped her fingers, and the light disappeared from Omega’s eyes, along with his screams. Then the Flickering Woman vanished.

So apparently I missed some stuff that happened during this encounter, but I doubt it was important. Like so many Fears before her, the Burning Bride fled in terror from me! So great is the reputation of Omega that the Fears are not even willing to try and fight me, for they know defeat is the only outcome of that battle! And with yet another Fear defeated, we continued our journey to the top of Mount Fear.

Does Anyone in this Story Know First Aid? Help us Blind Man-Sensei!

So there I was. Broken and defeated. Spacefuture Blogger and Overblogger were about as sympathetic as you’d expect.

“Any chance you know how to fix a broken leg?” Overblogger said as she poked my exposed and bloody bones with a stick.

"No." Spacefuture Blogger said. “In my time period, we treated bone injuries by cutting off the broken limb and replacing it with a cool robot prosthetic. What about you?”

“I’m the anthromorphic personification of the concept of people who write too many fearblogs. I’ve got no idea how human bones are supposed to work. Guess we need to take him to a hospital.”

“Wait!” I gasped out through the pain. “There’s no time for that! I need to stop the Dying Man before he destroys all I love!”

“I don’t know about that. He kinda totally wrecked you. I don’t think you’ll stand a chance if you fight him again.”

“Then I’ll just need to get stronger really fast!”

“How are you going to do that?”

“You’ll see! Now someone pick me up, we’ve got places to be!”

With Spacefuture Blogger and Overblogger carrying me, we set off on our journey. It was a strange trip, following secret and eldritch paths which eventually led us to the Blind Man’s library. The Blind Man met us at the gates.

“Omega! How did you find my domain?”

“Yeah that was me, sorry mate.” Overblogger said.

“But why, Overblogger? Why lead him here!”

I cut off Overblogger’s reply, as I had more important things to say. “Blind Man! I demand that you teach me all you know of Kung Fu, so that I may gain more power and defeat the Dying Man!”

“What? Kung Fu? Are you insane, my deal is memory, I’ve got nothing to do with martial arts.”

“Don’t try to deceive me! You’re really old! That means you must be a Kung Fu Master!”

“Curses, you have seen through my deception! You’re right, I am a master of Kung Fu. But I would never teach my secret techniques to one such as you, who fight against us Fears?”

“What if I promised you a large role in one of my blogs?”

The Blind Man hesitate for a moment before responding. “How big of a role?”

“A very important one! One that is absolutely vital to the plot!”

“Well, that does sound… Wait a minute! It’s this blog, isn’t it? You’re just going to make me a larger role in this blog!”

Darn, he didn’t fall for my trick! Well, no use trying to deceive him anymore. “Yes, you’re right, I was just going to write you into a few more posts of this blog, but come on. It’s not like you’re drowning in offers for blog appearances!”

“Just shows what you know! I’m still a very well regarded Fear! Lots of people want to use me in their stories!”

“Oh, pssh. There’s not many blogs out there right now, and none of them want to use some washed up old man like you! Now this is my final offer! You either teach me Kung Fu and get a spot in this blog, or you go back to being some obscure Fear none of the cool kids care about!”

“Fine! You win! I’ll train you! But first, you must pass a trial to prove your worth! You must ascend to the top of Mount Fear, where you will find the lost artifact of Ecived Tolp! Bring it to me to prove your worth, and I will train you!”