The Artifact of Ecived Tolp! CAW CAW I'M A BIRD MOTHERFUCKERS!

After days of toil, we finally reached our destination at the top of Mount Fear! Waiting for us at the peak was an ancient shrine, upon which rested a key of solid gold. The ancient artifact of Ecived Tolp!

Before I could claim the artifact, a swarm of birds appeared in the sky. “CAW CAW MOTHERFUCKERS!” The birds said as they flew at us with their talons ready.

“It is the Convocation! The ancient guardians of the ancient artifact of Ecived Tolp!”

“I’m not going to let some birds stop me from learning Kung-Fu!” I yelled. “Quick! Throw me at them!” Spacefuture Blogger and Overblogger each grabbed me by an arm and tossed me into the sky. I sailed through the air and kicked a sparrow in the head! Then gravity and momentum took over and I went flying off the edge of the mountain.

Okay I’m taking over again for this part. After Omega fell off the mountain, the Convocation began to attack us. A pigeon landed on my head and tried pecking out my eyes while woodpeckers drilled at my legs. Hummingbirds flew at Overblogger, who drew a pen which she used to cut them down. As more birds flew toward her she pulled out a notebook and began to write with inhuman speed. The pages, covered in eldritch languages, flew out of the notebook like a tornado, knocking aside any birds who came near.

While Overblogger had her end of the fight under control, I was being overwhelmed. Time to get serious! “Future  Sword!” I yelled as I drew out a laser sword, which I used to slice apart the birds around me!

“How long have you had that?” Overblogger asked.

“I…” Suddenly I was confused. “I… don’t know?” Didn’t matter, I had birds to kill. The Convocation was no match for Overblogger and me working together. The birds seemed ot realize that, and fell back. Then the swarm merged together and formed one giant bird with feathers made of fire!

“The mighty phoenix!” Overblogger said. “we are no match for such a being’s power!”

“It may be out of your leagues, but it is no match for the Great Omega!” I yelled as I jumped back onto the mountaintop.

“Omega? But how? Your legs were broken!”

“I died when I fell off the mountain! And when I die, I come back in a new, uninjured body!”

“Then how come your legs weren’t fixed when the Burning Bride killed you?”

“Because the Burning Bride didn’t kill me, obviously! She ran away without a fight, remember?”

“… Yes. Of course. That is exactly how it happened.”

“Now, time for me to punch a bird in the face!” And I did! I punched the phoenix so hard its head exploded! As the phoenix died, it was consumed by fire and transformed into an egg.

“And with its death, the phoenix is reborn.” Overblogger said. “Thus the cycle of life continues.”

“Yeah screw that I’m making this into an omelet. Now let’s grab the artifact and get out of here.”