I had been worrying that the Intrusion would be a difficult opponent. After all, the Vision had predicted that Spacefuture Blogger would be killed by giant spiders. The actual encounter ended up being underwhelming, however. Once we found a giant web/ant mound hybrid thing in the jungle, we sprayed pesticide all over the place from the safety of a plane. Then we dropped a ton of napalm on it to be sure. All the giant spiders were already dead by the time we landed. After the epic battles I’d had against the other Fears, it was a little bit of a disappointment.
After that hollow victory, Spacefuture Blogger and I stopped at a restaurant to get celebratory hamburgers. As we ate, a large black dog came inside and sat next to our table. I tore off a piece of my burger and offered it to the dog. It stared at me with dark red eyes and said, “Do not think this offering can atone for your terrible sins.”
“Holy shit a talking dog.”
“Do not feign ignorance, Omega! I know that you are aware of who I am!”
“Fine, I admit it! You’re the Black Dog! But you came here for nothing, as neither Spacefuture Blogger or I have any dark secrets for you to reveal!”
“That’s right! You can’t do anything to us!” Spacefuture Blogger said.
“Is that so, Spacefuture Blogger? Or should I just call you Future Blogger? After all, you’ve never been to space!”
Shock! “What? No! I’ve been to space so many times!”
“Do not try to fool me with your lies! Omega has been to space more than you!”
“Wow Spacefuture Blogger, that’s really kinda deceitful of you.”
“Do not act so high and mighty! I know your lies as well! You claimed the Intrusion was an easy opponent, when in reality you just killed it offscreen because you don’t know how to write it very well”
“What? Nonsense! Omega is a master at writing every Fear!”
“Don’t make me laugh! The only interesting idea you ever had for the Intrusion was when you thought about combining it with other Fears that you do know how to write! Your Intrusion game is weak!”
This was too much. “We must flee, Spacefuture Blogger! He is too powerful for us!”
We jumped out the window and ran, but the Black Dog chased after us, revealing one terrible secret after another. We for days, but the Dog’s pursuit was relentless. Even when we tried to hide deep in a desert, he still found us.
“You cannot escape from the Truth, Omega! Such as the truth that you’ve watched the entire first season of Shugo Chara and enjoyed every second of it!”
“No! Lies! It’s a bad anime for people with bad tastes! I would never enjoy it!”
“Stay strong, Omega! He’s trying to get in your head!”
“And you, Spacefuture Blogger! Your personality is bland because you literally have no backstory at all!”
“Nonsense! I have a very detailed and emotional backstory!”
“Ha! What trite! Omega never bothered writing you one because he’s a lazy slob!”
We had no defenses against such unrelenting attacks. “Spacefuture Blogger… there’s only one thing left we can do.”
“Surely you don’t mean...!”
“I do. It’s the only way.” I stood and faced the Black Dog. He was grinning his doggy grin, preparing to unleash even more terrible secrets. Before he could, I ran forward, and I Kicked the Dog.
“W-what do you think you’re doing?” It cried as I Kicked the Dog again, sending it flying hundreds of feet. Spacefuture Blogger had to look away in horror, but I steeled myself with the resolve to continue.
“Wait!” The Black Dog said, and then changed into an adorable Black Puppy. “Not even you would dare hurt me when I’m like this!”
Those soulful puppy dog eyes stared deep into me, begging me not to harm this innocent creature. But I had a mission to complete, and so once more I Kicked the Dog, causing him to land next to a cliff’s edge. “You’re a monster! You’re even worse than us Fears!” It cried out.
“If I must become a monster to see the world freed from your tyranny, that is a sacrifice I will willingly make!” And then I kicked him off the cliff like a football MVP scoring a field goal.
Spacefuture Blogger and I breathed a sigh of relief when we heard the Black Dog’s body splat at the bottom of the cliff. At last, we were safe. We swore to never speak of this event again, excepting of course for public blog posts which go into detail over what happened.
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