Saturday, September 12, 2015

Deja Vu! Trapped in the Algernon Forest?!

Following my GLORIOUS VICTORY over the Brute, it seems the rest of the Fears were too scared to confront me. Which meant the hunt was on! Spacefuture Blogger and I spent months traversing the world’s most hostile terrains, seeking our prey. We delved through ancient temples, uncovered lost artifacts, Spacefuture Blogger punched a mad squid god in the face, but all for naught. The Fears were too crafty in their hiding game.

Finally, we found a spooky forest. And if there’s one thing I know about the Fears, it’s that they love spooky forests. Spacefuture Blogger and I entered, only to quickly become lost amongst the black leafed trees. A dull white fog settled around us, blinding us to anything more than ten feet away. We had unknowingly walked into the Slender Man’s trap, and soon he would come to take his pretty.

In a state of near panic I searched with desperation for the path we’d entered on, but all was hidden by the omnipresent fog. Cavepast Scribe was no help at all; the only thing he seemed interested in doing was gathering together sticks. If the option to escape had been cut off, then we needed to prepare for confrontation. I drew the operator symbol on several sheets of paper and stuck them on branches around us. I still haven’t confirmed the effectiveness of M’s rules, but I willing to take any possible advantage I can. Then I prepared my baseball bat, and waited for our faceless adversary.

The minutes that passed seemed like hours. Every obscured branch looked like a tentacle, and every rustle of leaves sounded like the footsteps of proxies. The tension was unbearable. Cavepast Scribe continued to be completely useless, having only stopped gathering sticks so he could now bang rocks together over his pile of sticks. And then in the distance I saw a hint of motion. Could our tall foe have finally made an appearance? Well if I was going to die, I would do so facing death. I hefted my bat and charged towards that brief glimpse of the Slender Man.

From behind me, I heard a horrified shout. While banging his rocks together, it appeared that Cavepast Scribe had discovered the secret of creating fire. Unfortunately, he had yet to discover the secret of containing fire. The small flame that had begun in his pile of sticks was voraciously spreading, devouring everything around it. The Slender Man had been replaced by a much more immediate danger. Cavepast Scribe and I began running as fast as we could, as the inferno consumed the entire forest. Branches slapped across my face and tore through my skin as I sprinted without any regard for safety, just knowing I had to cover as much ground as I could. It was
totally awesome. I did a motherfucking backflip over a collapsing tree that exploded when it hit the ground. The wall of fire was right behind us the entire time, but we barely managed to keep ahead of it. With only a few feet until we were out, Spacefuture Blogger and I dove forward, making it out of the forest just as it exploded into a gigantic fireball!

Anyways that’s how I killed the Alernon Forest true story.

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