SPECIAL EPISODE: The Battle for Justice! An Old Foe Returns!

He is coming for me. No matter how far I run, his pursuit has been relentless. I can’t keep this up anymore. Every time I close my eyes, I see his faceless visage gazing into me. I can hear his tentacles scraping across the windows, a constant reminder of my doom. I can hear footsteps coming towards me. No doubt one of his proxies, come to finish the job. I can only pray my death will be-

“Hey! Nerd! Get off the laptop!”

Then I slapped the computer out of the loser’s hands. What kind of weirdo keeps blogging as they are actively being hunted by terrible beasties? Anyways, the kid screamed and ran for it when he saw me. No doubt he was so excited to be in the presence of one as amazing as I, he just had to leave to tell his friends. Had I the time, I would have pursued him to offer my autograph. But there were monsters to hunt, and today I hunted the greatest prey of all: My old foe, the Slender Man!

Just like the kid had been whining about, Slendy’s tentacles were tapping on the window like a rude woodpecker. Well, too bad for you Slender, but I hate woodpeckers! I jumped through the window, striking a heroic pose as the shattered glass flew around me!

“SLENDER MAAAAAAAAN!” I yelled at the skinny suited stalker. “I, OMEGA, HAVE COME TO DEFEAT YOOOOOOUUUUUU!!!!!!!”

The Slender Man wasted no time before his tentacles launched their attack at me. I drew my Japanese katana, and sliced at the closest tentacle! The glorious Nippon steel, folded 1,000 times, cut through the noodle like appendage easily. None of the Slender Man’s spaghetti limbs were any match for my steel! Any master crafted weapon has a name signifying its soul, and mine is no different. The man who gave me the sword says that its name is “Baka Gaijin,” which means “Deadly Cherry Blossom”!

“So it truly is you, Omega!” The Slender Man said in his deep, sensuously baritone voice. “I see you’ve finally crawled out of the hole you were hiding in!”

“I wasn’t hiding! I was training! Training for the day where I DEFEAT YOU!”

“Hmph! I’d like to see you try! But first, you must defeat my PROXY ARMY!”

 ONE THOUSAND masked proxies came running out from the forest to face me! A car pulled up, and THREE DOZEN MORE came out, all carrying menacing weapons! To any lesser man, this would seem like an insurmountable challenge! But compared to the battles I have fought, a mere thousand men is nothing. I charged forward into the horde of unimportant mooks, cutting a bloody swathe through them! The first wave was simple enough, just some fools wearing cheap masks and wielding equally cheap baseball bats. But as I got deeper in, I found myself encountering proxies who could shoot lightning out of their hands, or fly! While challenging, not even they could last long against my fighting spirit. Mere minutes after the fight had begun, all of the Slender Man’s proxies were dead.

“I see time has not dulled your skills!” The Slender Man said. “But surely you realize that you have no hope of winning here!”

“There is always hope! Even in our darkest hours, hope survives! And as long as there is hope, my victory is assured!” I charged forward into Slender Man’s whirlwind of tentacles. My sword lived up to its name as it cut a beautiful path through the opposition, until I was mere feet away from Slender Man. I swung with all my might, hoping to end this fight with just one blow!

As fast as I am, Slender Man was still faster. But perhaps not quite fast enough. My sword may have missed his heart, but it cut off his tie. If Slender Man had a face, no doubt his look of surprise would have been priceless!

“It appears I have been underestimating you.” He said. “Time to take this fight seriously.”

“Seriously? Ha! Your bluffs won’t work on me!”

“Oh, it is no bluff! For you see, this is only 10% of my true power!”

“What?! That’s impossible!”

Slender Man screamed as he powered up. All I could do was watch in horror during the five minutes it took for him to reach 100% power. His muscles grew so large, they tore apart his shirt and coat. I cannot lie, Slendy was fucking shredded. Had something like a sixteen pack.

“You may now have gorgeous, powerful muscles, but I still shall defeat-” I was unable to finish my proclamation, as Slender Man’s fist was punching me in the face. I flew hundreds of feet before hitting the ground. Mere seconds later, Slendy was on top of me, pounding me with his muscular tentacles. “At last you see how helpless you are before my awesome power!” He yelled. “Now, DIE!”

He punched me into the air, and then jumped up and slammed me back into the ground. Slender Man was right. There was no way I could hope to challenge such power. All my training, for naught. I closed my eyes and accepted defeat.

“You can’t give up, Omega!” I heard a child’s voice shout. And then, another, shouting “You can beat him!” And it was at that moment I realized that I could never surrender to this monster. I wasn’t fighting for me; no, I was fighting for the children!

Slender Man was shocked to see me standing back up. “This cannot be! Nothing can survive my full power!”

“You may be strong, Slender Man, but it is strength borne from evil! I use my strength to fight for JUSTICE, and JUSTICE can never be defeated by evil!” As I shouted, the ground cracked apart, and lava erupted behind me!

“Interesting! Then we will see how your justice can survive against my ULTIMATE ATTACK!” Slender Man screamed as he readied his tentacles. “TENTACLE DESPAIR TYPHOON!”

“Then I too will use my finishing move! INFINITE JUSTICE EXPLOSION!”

We charged at each other, and collided with such force that the explosion could be seen from SPACE! When it faded away, I was on one knee and bleeding, but the Slender Man had a massive hole blown in his chest.

“Impossible… how could… a lesser being… defeat me?”

“Don’t underestimate us humans, Slender Man!”

And then he fell, dead. It was over. I had defeated the Slender Man. Exhaustion overtook me, and I collapsed. I’d won at last.

“Not so fast, Omega.”

Black tree branches burst from the ground and wrapped around my waist, pinning me down. Slender Man was back, once again in his thin and suited form.

“But… I killed you! How are you still alive?”

Slender Man cackled at my claim. “Killed me? You fool! This isn’t your precious ‘Fear Mythos,’ with its ‘Public Domain’ and ‘Creative Commons’ nonsense! I am a copyrighted character! Only Victor Surge and a still unknown third party may make any changes as dramatic as killing me! You are powerless here!”

He began to beat me with his tentacles, and I was powerless to defend myself. “So, what? After all that talk of how powerful you are, you’re just going to tie me down and kill me like a coward?”

“Oh, I’m not going to kill you! I know the futility in that. If I killed you, you’d just come back later to fight me again. No, I’m going to keep you alive. But the torment which I will put you through will make you wish you could die!”

So this was it. Trapped by the branches, rendered powerless by copyright law, and left without any means of fighting back. There was only one option left. It was a risky choice, but it was all I had left.

“His semen…” I said as the Slender Man paused in his beating. “… is periwinkle blue.”

Slender Man stopped in surprise. “… What did you say?”

With his attention on me, I began to quote: “I have been held captive since January. Only now have I the means of communicating this. I am being held by none other than the Slender Man himself. He is tall, nine feet in height, pale, thin and dressed in a black business suit. He has ten tentacles.”

“No! Impossible! That blog was deleted!”

“I remembered it, in preparation for this day! Every last word of it!” Then I resumed my recitation. “I remember the day I was taken so vividly, yet it feels like a dream. I was bathing when two masked men took me from my home, dressed me in a black dress with red lotuses and blinded me. When my sight returned I was in an wasteland. He stood before me, His presence terrifying and comforting at the same time. I recall a deep, biting pain in my head and I heard a calm man's voice tell me why I was there. I was to be His...mate.”

“No! Stop it!” He began hitting me again, but I fought through the pain and kept talking.

“His skin is lily white and completely hairless. He is a pleasure to touch, like running your hands over soft, warm silk. Though very little of him suggests that he is mamalian, he does have nipples, two of them--one on each side of his chest. He also has a navel, which tells me that he was born. Out of his back, he has ten small nubs.”

“STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT!!!!”

“He does have a face, he can conceal it when he needs to, and only shows it to some. I have seen this face. His eyes are black and almond shaped, while his pupils are white. His mouth is lipless and filled with a row of canine teeth. His tongue is long, thin, and black. He has very high dexterity with his tongue.”

“NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!”

“He does posses a bodily odour, but it smells vaguely of fresh summer peaches. His blood is a deep violet colour, and his semen is periwinkle blue. He does need to "relieve" himself, like a human, and he does bathe. He enjoys cool water over hot. Hot hurts him.”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

And then the Slender Man exploded. Turns out Abducted was right. His blood really is violet colored.