The First Opponent! A Fight Against a God?!

The first target of my GLORIOUS CRUSADE was the Archangel, as he is first alphabetically! Except for Amalgm! And Aqualung! And the Algernon Forest…. And… the Answer….. And…. Okay shut up we’re doing Archangel first!

I found my prey in an old abandoned warehouse. My genius plan was to dramatically enter by kicking the door open, but SOMEONE forgot to mark that it was a pull door, so I may or may not have broken a leg trying to open it.

The Archangel was waiting for me inside. “I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU, OMEGA!” His booming voice shook the building and caused the windows the shatter. “NOW PREPARE TO DIE AT THE HANDS OF MY ARMY OF CULTISTS!”

Hundreds of men and women armed with every weapon imaginable came rushing out. In seconds, I had been completely surrounded.

“… Why are they gangsters?”

“WHAT?”

“Why are the cultists gangsters? I don’t understand the thematic connection. Are they particularly religious gangsters? Do they have some kind of heaven/hell imagery going on?”

“THEY ARE THEMATICALLY APPROPRIATE BECAUSE THEY ARE GOING TO KILL YOU UNTIL YOU ARE DEAD.”

That was when I was cut down by a hail of bullets. Of course, I have never let petty things like dying get in my way. It was only a few seconds later before I came running back into the building.

“Ha ha! Next time try bringing it your A-game!”

Then they shot me again.

This cycle continued for quite some time. A few cultusts had to take a break from shooting so they could clear way all the bodies I was leaving behind. Eventually, as expected, they ran out of bullets.

“Ha ha! What will you and your silly army do now that you cannot shoot me?” The Archangel responded to this question by hitting me in the head with a tire iron. “Ow! Hey what the hell what kind of Fear kills people with a tire iron?”

“SILENCE, FOOL! NOW DIE!” And with my head caved in, I died again.

Exactly as planned.

Once more I entered the building, with considerable swagger in my step. “You’ve fallen into my trap, Archangel! Now my victory is assured!”

“HA! A PATHETIC BLUFF!”

“Before calling it a bluff, why not see how you’re feeling right now?”

“I FEEL AS POWERFUL AS EVER BEFO-” He froze, and then began to shake uncontrollably. “W-WHAT IS HAPPENING?”

“Every person who dies becomes a part of you, right? And I’ve done a whole lot of dying in my time!”

“IMPOSSIBLE! TO AFFECT ME YOU WOULD NEED TO HAVE DIED BILLIONS OF TIMES!”

“Damn right, son! And now, one more to tip the scale!” I moonwalked backwards into the streets, where a truck hit me.

The Archangel fell to his knees and cried out. “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!” Then I burst out of his chest as his body exploded behind me. The cultists fled as burning pieces of the Archangel rained down around them.

One down.