After making our return to the present, it was necessary for Spacefuture Blogger and I to restock on weaponry. And it was a good thing that we did, as the moment we stepped out of the armory, the Vision appeared.
“Omega!” She said. “You may have escaped the future, but you cannot escape your future! Now prepare to face the despair that fate has ordained for you!”
“Eh.” I shrugged. “I’m not really feeling it. Spacefuture Blogger, you want to take this one?”
“Why? You haven’t backed out of any fights before.”
“I dunno. Dealing with the Vision always makes me feel like I’m dealing with someone’s magical dream girl.”
“… Oh do not give me that. You have no right to judge. I’ve read your Wooden Girl stories.”
“What? That’s, that’s completely different!”
“How? How is it in any way different?”
“It is different. Because. Of many reasons. Reasons which are all very good. And which Oh hey look she’s attacking you should do something about that.”
Before the Vision could look at me with her dreadful gaze, I threw Spacefuture Blogger between us. He locked eyes with her, and she began to foretell his fate.
“I see… you will be eaten by spiders!”
“No!”
“Yes! Giant evil spiders! They will tear you apart!”
“I hate spiders!”
“You do! And you will cry for help, but none will come!”
“That’s terrible!”
“It is! You will suffer long as you slowly die!”
Then I shot Spacefuture Blogger in the head.
“What… what the fuck?” The Vision screamed. “Jesus Christ why the fuck did you do that?”
“You predicted he would die by spiders! Instead, he has died by bullets! I have broken the chains of fate! Take that, predestination!”
“I think I’m still alive….” Spacefuture Blogger moaned.
“Oh. Sorry, I’ll do it right this time.” Another gunshot. “Are you dead now?”
“No….” He said between sobs of pain.
“Damn. Let me get a grenade.”
“No! Don’t get the grenade! Leave the poor man alone!”
“Too late!” I threw the grenade, and it exploded. “Now I have cut the strings of fate!”
“I’m still okay!” Spacefuture Blogger said from beneath the pile of rubble. “I think the explosion helped. I can’t feel my gunshot wounds over this concussion.”
“If not even the grenade worked…. Spacefuture Blogger, do you know what this means?”
“Wait, I was wrong, I can still feel them. And the shrapnel. Oh go the shrapnel.”
“You’re effectively immortal now that we know how you’ll die! So long as we avoid giant evil spiders, nothing that happens to you will ever actually kill you!”
“Every moment I continue to live is a moment of pure agony.”
“Wait. I don’t want to go risking your life needlessly. I need to test this hypothesis. Let me get another grenade.”
“Okay this is just getting obscene, I’m putting a stop to it.” The Vision grabbed my face and forced me to look at her eyes. “Now behold the terrors that await you in… oh. Huh.”
“What? What horror has destiny written for me?”
“Actually, nothing. You’re future’s fine. Stuff kinda works out for you in the end. Um. I’m not sure what to do next. Most people I try this on have something really bad that’s going to happen to them.”
“So does this mean we fight now?”
“No. No, I’m done.” She walked away, shaking her head in frustration. “This whole thing has been a terrible experience and I want to put it as far behind me as I can. I’m going over to the Slender Man Mythos. They’d never let a blog like this fly.”
And that was how Spacefuture Blogger became immortal and I defeated the Vision.
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