Unfortunately, I miscalculated when I made my jump out of the Cold Boy’s spaceship. Instead of quickly making it back to Earth, I didn’t return until TEN THOUSAND YEARS had passed! I was awoken from my space induced slumber by a group of people wearing chrome clothing. Around us was a towering sci-fi cityscape, with a pitch black sky above. One of the people stepped forward and spoke to me.
“Omega! I am Spacefuture Blogger, leader of the Spacefuture Runners! We need your help!”
“I never turn down those in need!” I said. “Tell me, what has become of the world?”
“The Manufactured Newborn has taken over, and now rules the future with an iron fist!”
Of course, that was no surprise. What other Fear could take control of the future like this? “But what happened to the sun? Did the Newborn do something to it?”
“No, that was because of something else. Ten thousand years ago, some fool launched the Cold Boy into the sun, causing it to freeze!”
“Ah.” I tried not to look any of the Spacefuture Runners in the eye. “Sorry about that. It seemed like a good idea at the time.”
“You were the one who did it? Why would that ever have seemed like a good idea?”
“I needed to kill him!”
“You could have just thrown some napalm on him or something!”
“What? No reader would accept him dying like that!”
“Why not? No one cares about the Cold Boy anymore! There hasn’t been a blog centered on him since 2013! I’ll bet you could have just shot him with a flamethrower and not a single person would have complained.”
Spacefuture Blogger had a point. But before I could correct that mistake, I needed to find a way back to the present. I asked Spacefuture Blogger about how that could be done. “The Manufactured Newborn has a time machine, but it is located deep within its Tower. We will need to destroy it before we can reach the machine. And the Tower is heavily defended.”
“No defense can stand up against the might of humanity’s courage! Let us go into battle!”
With the Spacefuture Runners backing me up, I charged into the futuristic city. A huge metal tower, taller than a mountain stood before us. At its base was a crowd of people, blocking the entrance to the Tower.
“Curses!” Spacefuture Blogger said. “The Newborn’s servants. They’re like zombies, always plugged into their cell phones, never having any real interaction with other human beings.”
“Hey! Such attitudes are a sign of close-minded ignorance.” I said, getting out a soap box to stand on. “While from the outside it may look like the younger generation’s obsession with technology is antisocial, in reality it has allowed for greater connections with one another. I, for one, believe that….”
“No. They are literally plugged into their cell phones. The Newborn uses them as batteries. Look.”
I looked harder at the crowd, and realized that wires were coming out of each individual’s phone and into their eyes. “Oh. So they really are like zombies.”
“Yup.”
“Well, they’re still in the way. Let’s kill them.”
We charged forth, letting loose a terrifying battle cry. The zombies noticed us and began to moan, “Like. Comment. Share. Subscribe. Like. Comment. Share. Subscribe.” As they shambled toward us.
Having lost my sword in the fight with the Cold Boy, I could not cleave a bloody path through the nefarious horde. Still, I did the best I could, slaying hundreds of the fiends. But even my greatest efforts were not enough against the numbers we fought. In the face of such a mindless onslaught, the Spacefuture Runners began to be overrun. And to make the situation worse, the Newborn’s Tower began to move. Giant gears and sheets of metal moved, until the Tower had transformed into a Giant Robot Baby!
“The Manufactured Newborn itself has joined the battle!” Spacefuture Blogger cried out. “All hope is lost!”
“Hope is never lost!” I yelled. “As long as we continue to fight for our freedom!”
The Spacefuture Runners rallied behind this call to action, and were then immediately crushed underneath the Newborn’s robot foot. Spacefuture Blogger and I were the only survivors. It took all of our skill to avoid the Newborn’s attacks as its giant baby hands punched the ground around us. Its blows were so strong that it caused the very ground to crack apart, causing Spacefuture Blogger and I to plummet into the rift.
I know not for how long we fell, but when we landed we were in a metal cavern filled with the wreckage of machines. “What is this place?” I asked.
“This must be the Newborn’s horde.” Spacefuture Blogger said. “The place where it has gathered together technology from every age into a massive collection. We shouldn’t stay here long, lest….”
“Hey look I found a giant robot!”
“You found a WHAT?”
Lying amongst the wreckage was a robot, nearly two stories tall, covered in weapons. The words “OPERATION RAGNAROK” were written in bold black letters across the chest.
“What is ‘Operation Ragnarok’?” Spacefuture Blogger asked.
“It was a multiblog Pacific Rim/Fear Mythos crossover. Cool stuff, shame it didn’t last long.”
“That idea sounds stupid.”
“You sound stupid! Now shut up and get into the robot!”
Neither of us could find a power button inside the cockpit. Instead, there was a large red button labelled only as “ROCK OUT.” I punched the button, and the sound of an electric guitar roared through the cavern as the robot began to move. The robot punched out of the cavern, bursting into the city. The Manufactured Newborn was waiting for us, but this time we were on equal footing. Before the Newborn could strike, we shot it with our robot’s Laser Eyes! As it stumbled, we hit it with a Rocket Fist! And then, our finishing move! We jumped into the air and kicked the Manufactured Newborn with our Drill Foot, causing it to explode!
“There’s the time machine!” Spacefuture Blogger pointed at a phone booth that had fallen out of the destroyed Newborn.
“Perfect! Now we can return to the present!”
“We?”
“Yes! I might need a meat shield when fighting the Fears!”
“I don’t think I like the sound of that….”
“Shut up and get in the time machine!”
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